p r e p a r a t i o n
Much has been said on the subject of how to
prepare a guy for anal penetration. Many a rant has been raved
in response to stories that don't include (in the ranter's view)
enough prep action. The "one finger, two fingers, three
fingers, dick" has pretty much become de rigeur in slash.
Well, kids, it ain't necessarily so.
So if you want to go the whole hog, and describe
in loving detail how each finger slips in, go right ahead. But
when the guys are hot and the pace is frantic, feel free to cut
right to the chase...
While at Friscon I got asked a couple of
times just what could be used for lubrication. Off the top of
my head I came up with the following list. It's by no means complete,
just what I could remember having used at one time or another.
Some other things which got mentioned,
but which I wouldn't recommend include:
When using commercial lubricants such as
"Wet" or "Glide", occasionally reapplication
is necessary, as water based lubes can become sticky after exposure
to air. If you are using condoms, don't use petroleum based lubes
such as Vaseline or KY, since they damage the latex and can cause
breakage (of the condom, not the guy...) Basically, if you need soap and water to
get it off your hands, you can use it for lube.
A word to the Highlander writers who use
blood.
Don't.
While minor tearing and bleeding can happen
even with the most gentle of partners, a wound large enough to
provide the amount of blood necessary for lubrication would be
more than painful enough to ruin the fun.
At Friscon I asked the burning question
"James Ellison; Top or Bottom?" And was definitively
answered, "Whatever Blair tells him to be."
There seems to be a trend in slash to make
one partner, usually the smaller or younger of the pair, a total
bottom. Most men do have a preference, but it's more a continuum
than an either/or proposition. There are guys who are exclusively
one or the other, but it's more usual to be versatile with leanings
towards one or the other. It isn't always based on size or age
either. The toppest top I ever met was a fragile little femme,
who wore makeup and painted his nails. But once in bed he was
a complete top, aggressive and wild. So don't make the mistake
of assuming the obvious. Mix it up, have Mulder top Skinner,
or Iolaus top Hercules.
I've also read many posts on this subject
that mention "fairness", saying they prefer the guys
in question to switch off. To me this implies that the posters
see bottoming as somehow less pleasurable than topping. Nothing
could be further from the truth. It's a matter of personal preference
and psychological makeup whether a guy pitches or catches, akin
to whether you like your peanut butter crunchy or creamy.
Also, preference isn't an unalterable choice.
Who does what to whom depends upon a multiplicity of factors.
Past history between the guys, mood, phase of the moon, liquor
intake, etc. Many men go through phases in their lives where
they predominantly bottom, then they meet a guy whose ass just
begs for it and next thing they know...
Control between the top and the bottom
is another issue which goes deeper than a first glance might
suggest. In a relationship between a man and a woman, no matter
how liberated or sensitive the participants may be, the partners
act out roles which they've been taught since childhood. Roles
which are reinforced by every aspect of our society, from television
and movies to the simple fact that a woman takes a man's name
in marriage. I'm not saying these roles are proper or ordained
by biology, just that they exist.
But in a relationship between two men,
there are no role models to follow. As gay men, we have grown
up to discover that the rules we thought were meant for us no
longer apply. So when two men get together, we have nothing to
fall back on. We have to make up the rules and roles as we go
along. Control passes back and forth between the partners, depending
on circumstances and personal inclination.
This applies in bed as well. While the
top would appear to be the one in control, the aggressor, it
is in reality the bottom who is calling the shots. The bottom
sets the pace and determines the limits.
Even in relationships in which the power
is superficially unequal, such as ones based on dominance/submission
or s/m, the bottom has a much greater say in things than might
be expected. There is a vast strength in submitting yourself
to the control of another. Don't let appearances fool you.
The need for careful stretching and loosening
depends on a lot of things. How relaxed the guy is, the level
of trust between the parties involved, experience, and alcohol
level are just a few. Some guys need the whole shebang, from
tongue to fingers to large envelopes full of cash before they're
ready for action. Others require only the most cursory of preparation,
such as dropping their pants. Judicious application of the tongue
can make the most apprehensive of butts eager and willing.
e n e m a s
Many of you have asked about enemas, and
whether or not they're necessary before anal sex.
It depends on how full the bottom feels.
Some guys do it regularly, enjoying the feel. Others use them
only occasionally.
The shower attachment is popular, but the
plain old store-bought Fleet bottles are good to keep on hand.
r i m m i n g
Rimming, eating out, sucking butt; whatever
you call it, it sounds like a pretty unnatural thing. The first
time someone did it to me, I got grossed out. But it grows on
you.
A freshly washed butt presents no health
hazard, and can be amazingly sensitive. Just remember to breathe.
This isn't just good for the recipient.
It's very rewarding to do this to someone and watch them squirm,
begging for more...
l u b r i c a t i o n
OK - I'm really tired of getting this question, so
let's set the record straight. Back in the days before safe sex was necessary KY
was a PETROLEUM based lubricant - just about the only one on the market. There
was really no other choice. Astroglide, Eros, Wet and all those other lubes that
dominate the market now didn't exist. So KY became a household word amoung gay men,
almost a generic word for lube. It came in this little tube, very similar to the
way Neosporin is packaged today, and was a pretty good indicator that the owner/purchaser
was queer. So please, don't write me to tell me I'm wrong, and that KY is water-based.
p o s i t i o n s
First off, there's the basic missionary position...
either close up and personal so you can suck face at the same
time..
or a little more athletic.. This is a great
position for a good hard pounding. The angle is right to hit
the prostate on each stroke, and the top can hold up the bottom's
legs to reduce the strain.
Then there's face down. Least stress on the
bottom, good angle for stimulating the prostate, gives the top
freedom to change the angle and depth of stroke, which is good
for both of them.
Sideways is nice, too. The top doesn't have
to support his own weight, and the bottom only has to keep one
leg up. Not real good for fast action, but perfect for a long,
slow fuck.
If you're feeling athletic, the bottom can
always sit on it... Squatting is popular, or on his knees. If
they're face to face, the top (who's on the bottom) can play
with the bottom's (who's on the top) cock at the same time. A
fun time will be had by all.
Now *this* is fun. The top has to be fairly
limber, but it's worth the extra effort.
Let your imagination soar. We're writing
about some of the most beautiful and athletic men on the face
of the planet, so whatever you can think of, they can get into.
t o y s
Dicks aren't the only thing you can put up
your ass... toys can be a lot of fun. Either as a warm-up or
for a second round, latex can be your friend.
Someone asked me if it was possible for two
guys to fuck each other at the same time. Possible, yes, if you're
limber enough. Comfortable, probably not. It's one of those kama
sutra positions that takes so much concentration to get in and
stay in that you can't really enjoy it. Much easier to simply
use a double headed dildo...
t o p o r b o t t o m ?