Author's Notes: Thanks to those who have read through this, and I want you to know how I appreciate all of you. Special thanks to Aya JJ for some extra support and blessing. *smile*
DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
Our attack began as soon as the droid army was away from the city. It was amazing how the pieces seemed to fall into place. This was the kind of thing we had all been trained to do, but never expected to come to pass.
When we got to the square, we started the diversion. I stayed with Panaka and the Queen went with the Jedi as her defense. A few moments later, when the outdoor squad of droids was taken care of, we entered the hangar. I was in time to see two fighters take off. One went down. My heart dove for one second, then I was back in the moment, in the mission.
My group helped take down the remaining droids, which enabled more pilots to man their fighters. I watched them go, and my hopes went with them.
We all gathered in one squadron, and moved to enter the palace. Then our way was blocked by the menacing red and black creature I'd heard of.
//Sith!// I heard from both Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. They intended to take him on. Amidala and all of the handmaidens stood their ground. We would not let him intimidate us. But Qui-Gon moved forward, and firmly announced that he and his padawan would handle this. I was loathe to leave them, but the Queen realized that it was the best course of action, even though she was unhappy about it herself. I wanted to send them my concern, but since it might break their concentration, I refrained. I hoped they knew how I felt, even without the contact.
Another obstacle then appeared. Destroyers were in the hangar, and had began firing. Some of our men went down, and I took a slight hit. I fell back into Panaka's arms, and he pulled me out of the line of fire.
"How are you?" He looked scared for me. Fortunatly, only the wind was knocked out of me. I recovered in moments. Looking up, I saw Rabe leaning over Rowan. Gathering myself and pulling away from Panaka, I grabbed him and helped Rabe pull him to a safer area.
We examined him. His injury was worse than mine but not fatal. It did mean that he was out of the battle. He would have to risk hiding here, and hope no other droids would find him before we got back. While I covered them, Rabe and Rowan exchanged a few words, then a kiss before we had to return to the fray.
We had no idea how we were going to get past the destroyers. The Force found a way though, through Anakin. Suddenly, the fighter he was in rose and quickly tore apart the droids with its firepower. It then took off. I bit my lip, hoping this child would be as lucky now as in the pod race.
We moved on, through the hallways. At this time I dropped back, with a few of the group staying with me. The most trusted and the best shots were going to remain under my leadership until Amidala's plan called for us. The group going with the Queen took a route that pulled them up ahead of us to the corridor directly in front of the throne room. We cut down any droids we encountered along the way. I had to wait for the Queen's signal, before I used the next set of passageways to make a quick trip to the throne room for our group. At last it came, and I led us to the door that would get us there.
Then it happened.
Qui-Gon was struck down. I felt Obi-Wan's heartbreak the moment it happened.
I was overwhelmed with Obi-Wan's shock, his utter horror, the cry of his denial in my mind. I almost buckled at the knees, it was so strong. Then, he cut me off, completely, totally. Had I not been in a struggle of my own, to carry out the plan to lead the battle droids from the Queen, I would have run to him, to try to fight off the dark creature he was facing, alone now.
At last, I made it to the Throne Room, made the announcement to the Viceroy, fired two quick shots to take down the droids at the door. Then we ran. I led our party down another corridor. We had destroyed quite a few droids, but more seemed to pop up from nowhere, and we were beginning to tire. I hoped the Queen was successful. This should not be in vain.
Suddenly the droids went dead. The control ship had been destroyed!
I grabbed my comlink. I prayed the Queen was in control. "Your Highness?"
"I'm here, Sabé. We're well. Go see about the Jedi!"
With that out of the way, I ordered the party to follow me. I was compelled to join Obi-Wan and help him dispose of this Sith. I knew where they had gone, and I could get there quickly.
We were too late. Obi-Wan had defeated the creature, but his master was dead in his arms. I reached out to him, tried to touch his mind, to offer comfort, as I put my hand on his shoulder. I felt...nothing. I tried again. It didn't work. He was consumed with grief and would have none of it. When he finally let his master go, it was only so we could remove the body. He accompanied the body to the morgue, as a son would follow his father's corpse, ensuring that it would not be desecrated. I left him to himself , knowing that there was nothing he would allow me do.
I took the news to the Queen. She reacted with shock and sympathy. "We will let Obi-Wan instruct us in the proper funeral rites,"she said. She had to sit down, slumped, one hand on her forehead, to cope with the weight of Qui-Gon's loss. "When you have spoken with the Padawan on this matter, let me know what we must do."
"With all due respect, your Highness, I am not the best choice to assist Kenobi now. Please send another to speak to him." I lowered my eyes, so Amidala would not see my feelings revealed.
She sat up straighter. "Another surprise," she said, with more sympathy in her voice, this time for me. She signaled to Rabe, assigning her the task of dealing with the arrangements. Then she motioned to me to follow her to a side room.
Now that we were alone, she could talk. She approached me, put her hand on mine as a supportive gesture. "What happened between you, Sabé?" she asked. "I thought the two of you were growing close."
"It seemed that way to me, Your Highness,"I said, calmly. "I was mistaken." Despite his rejection of me, I was going to cope with this as a soldier would. Naboo needed my service now, I had no time for self pity. "My Queen, may I begin working? I suggest the palace halls be cleared of battle droid parts at once."
She studied me for a beat. Then said, "Yes, of course. But clean up and change first. We've won the war, we can catch our breath now." She then had to go and take care of the thousand other things that needed her attention.
I did as she said, got out of the Queen's outfit I'd been wearing during the battle, washed off the white face and donned a fresh working uniform. Panaka assigned me to supervise a detail that was clearing the palace and surrounding grounds, just as I requested. It comforted me to be working here and staying busy.
While we made progress, a young member of the guard approached me. "Sabé Uzza?"
"Yes," I said.
"Your father sent me to give you a message. Your mother has been located. She is ill and under the physician's care. He requests that you join him as soon as your shift is over. They are in the infimary outside the Palace grounds." He saluted me, and left.
I didn't want to ask special favor of Panaka, but I needed to find out from him when I could see Mother. I activated the comlink.
"Panaka here."
"Handmaiden Sabé, Captain. With your permission, sir, when may I be released to go see my mother?"
"She's been found? That's good news. You've already put in more than enough time. Delgate your crew to the next ranking officer and you may go."
When I got to her bedside, I found things weren't quite as bad as I feared. She was weak from dehydration and malnourishment, but with time and care would recover. I sat by her bedside and gave her water through most of the night.
The next evening, as I was finishing the job, Amidala approached me. She was bringing the R2 unit, and waving at me. I stopped my work and walked to meet her.
"Sabé, I have a message for you. I didn't want to say anything about it before now, since I couldn't be sure if I would be able to fulfill Qui-Gon's last request. R2 has returned safely to us and is ready to complete this task."
"A message? Why would Qui-Gon leave a message for me?" I was taken completly aback by this. The Jedi Master and I had only briefly exchanged words.
"I don't know, but he told me to be sure that it was delivered to you and you were to see it alone. I'll send Ani to collect R2 later," Amidala told me, then she slipped away.
"Come with me R2, we need privacy." The little droid followed me, beeping and whistling softly the entire way. I found it soothing somehow that it was R2 who was here, not another person to destroy the private moment. We found a secluded spot surrounded by native trees. I needed to hear the news in this kind of setting, where I felt best. I settled down, and said, "I'm ready."
A hologram of Qui-Gon appeared. He bowed. "Lady Sabé, since you are watching this, I am not able to speak to you in person. That means that I cannot give you all the answers to the questions you are going to have. That is unfortunate, for you do deserve the answers. I will try to cover as many of them as I can in this message. I have sensed that you have a gift in your newly discovered powers of the Force. They have been latent in you all your life, and were awakened in your contact with Obi-Wan. It is regretable that you will not be trained in the Jedi arts. You would have excelled in that discipline, I can tell. I believe that it is the will of the Force for you to contribute in other ways, ways that will test you and that you will have to face alone. By now, it is quite probable that Obi-Wan has cut you off. Please try not to be angry with him about this. He will be mourning my loss, dealing with accepting Anakin, and awaiting a decision from the council about his status. Because of his uncertainty, he will think the best course of action is to leave you with no ties to bind either of you. I advise you to let him be for the present. When the Force does wish to bring you together, as I trust it does, this will come about. There are no accidents and only good will come from this relationship, even if we don't see how. There are many things that you can teach each other, when he is ready. "
The message continued. "I must urge you Sabé, to keep your gifts secret. I have left in this R2 unit some of the texts I carry with me. Take the information, and learn what you can from this. Study anything else you can find, meditate and excercise. Open your mind and heart to the Force and its teachings. Stay in the light, but tell no one in the Temple of what you are doing , not even Obi-Wan for now. I know you will feel isolated and lost but it is most important that you proceed in this way, not only for your sake, but for future generations. You are wise and you will know who to reveal yourself to as well as when."
His expression softened, looked sad. "Collect what you have learned, what you will learn. Guard it well, you may be the only one who can supply the truth later. I do regret that I cannot help you more." He sighed. "When you become a teacher, tell the children about me, make me sound like a proud grandfather who would have loved them. Let them know that someday one will come they can join and they will be able to share their talents openly. I will be watching you all. Farewell and may the Force be with you."
Qui-Gon's image faded. With tears in my eyes, I patted R2 on his dome. A hatch on the small droid opened and gave me a crystal for a datapad, the one the Master had spoken of in the recording. "Please erase the last message played," I stated. I sat down to release all the emotion pent up inside.
Anakin found me not long after that. He almost caught me by surprise. But I heard his footsteps scrape the walk and I looked up. He seemed puzzled by my mood. "Why are you so sad? The war is won. Now you can be with the one you wanted, the one you mentioned to me on Coruscant, can't you?"
I couldn't be upset with him. It was an innocent question and he meant well. I took a deep breath. "No, I can't, Ani. I've lost him."
Ani's eyes widened in horror, then he dropped his head. In a small, ashamed voice, he said, "I'm sorry..."
I held out my hand to him. "There's no way you could have known. Just be my friend, and give me your support."
He grabbed my hand, and squeezed it hard. "I do have one request of you, " I began. "Don't tell anyone of this conversation, not even another Jedi, please?"
The boy nodded, very seriously. There were no more words spoken as he sat with me for awhile, but he was able to send out a feeling of warmth and caring. Amidala would be lucky indeed, when they were both older.
When some time had passed, I spoke. "Ani, you're here to take R2 to the Queen. She'll be wondering where you've got to. You'd better go back now. I'll be all right."
He looked as if he didn't believe that I'd be all right, but he did know it was time to go. Smiling in sympathy, he left me to my work.
Our victory parade was a few days later. It was an elaborate celebration, many dignitaries were present. In an earlier time, I would have been enthralled with the spectacle, as excited as many of the children that waved flags, clapped with the music, and just enjoyed life. As it was, I was numb. Between my job, the extra hours of service that was required, the funeral for Qui-Gon and caring for my mother through her illness, I was exhausted. Then there was the matter of dealing with my feelings for Kenobi, an issue I was putting off thinking about for as long as possible.
Almost immediatly afterwards, it was time for the Jedi to leave. That included Kenobi, and now Anakin. As they moved to board the ship with the rest of the council, Anakin stopped halfway up the ramp. He turned and sought out Amidala. They had exchanged private goodbyes earlier, but Ani had to get one last shot. His wave and rogueish grin was very charming and the Queen responded with as big a smile as she could muster.
Kenobi turned only when he noticed his Padawan Learner was no longer by his side. He seemed annoyed that Ani had stopped, and was urging him to come along. His gaze followed Ani's line of sight to see what had the boy's attention. When he realized it was the Queen, he bowed slightly in her direction. For a split second, Obi-Wan averted his gaze to me. Our eyes met, but he quickly shifted and turned away. He patted Ani's back, moved him up the ramp. The ramp drew up, and then they were gone.
My chin lowered just slightly. Only the Queen caught that, only she would have noticed.
"Are you alright?" She asked, whispering. Her lips barely moved. We had gotten very good at this, communicating deep feeling between ourselves without anyone else realizing it.
"He didn't say goodbye," I answered, in the same manner. With that, I admitted to her what I would have to no one else. That it mattered to me.
"He looked back. The game's not over yet," Amidala stated.
"Yes, your Highness," was all I could say. I wasn't about to debate the point with her. I thought that part of my life was over, and I should prepare to go on, to forget all about the Jedi Knight.
That proved easier said than done.
It was six weeks after our victory celebration. I was in my place at Amidala's side. The session for Court was almost over. It had been a long day, and I was tired. I was feeling that way more often lately, unusally so. The Queen had noticed and sent me to her personal physician. I got the news from him that morning.
There was no question of what I had to do. I wrote my resignation letter, informing Panaka and the Queen of my intention to leave my post as handmaiden. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, giving up this job. But soon, I would not be able to fulfill my duties. It was best for all that I leave.
As the session was closed, various dignitaries, attendants, and members of the Naboo court were dismissed. The handmaidens were the only ones left with Panaka and Amidala. The Queen usually dismissed us at this point and I was looking forward to leaving and getting back to our quarters to pack.
The Queen announced, "Sabé, I wish for you to stay. All other handmaidens are free for the day."
The other four women filed out. As they passed me, I saw the question in their eyes. It would be difficult to leave them too. We had become friends, not just a well trained squad for the Queen's service.
When they had left, I faced Panaka and Amidala. I bowed to the Queen, and saluted the Captain. "How may I serve you?"
Amidala, still acting in her offical capacity, stated, "We will not accept this resignation without a good reason, Handmaiden."
Panaka interjected, "Sabé, what's wrong? Did your mother have a change of heart and pressure you to do this?"
I swallowed hard at the mention of my mother. She did not know of my condition yet. She would be the hardest of all to face. "No Captain, this has nothing to do with my mother." I felt tears start to well up, but controlled them.
A soft voice, that of Padme, asked me, "Then what is it? Please tell me, my friend."
"Captain, Your Highness,....I have been informed this morning that I am with child." There, I had finally said it.
She was wearing the elaborate robes of the Queen, but it was my close friend and confidante who came down from the throne and held me in her comforting embrace. "Don't leave us. We will find a way to work this out," she told me in soothing tones.
"You would still want me after my transgression?" I was genuinely surprised.
"As long as I am Queen, you will have a place here, if you want it," she said.
I did want it. It was good to know that I was not going to have to face the future completely alone. "Thank you, Your Highness. I will stay then."
"Good," she said. "Go rest now, there's plenty of time to talk about this later. Thank you for your honesty, and for your decision."
For the first time that day, I smiled as I bowed before them.