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August 1, 2001 |
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As of today, this section of the site is moving. Please visit
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February, 1999 |
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Arizona Alice asks:
I have two questions.
I've read some slash and am about to start my first story myself, S/H is all
I'm interested in.
My question doesn't have to do solely with them though. I notice a lot of
fingernails digging into each other's backs, blood, biting each other, and
sometimes spanking, yelling at each other (calling each other "Bitch", etc.) things
like that in the stories I've read.
I'm a softy and a romantic, and would rather not have S&H do that in my
stories. My question is, will the lack of the "violence" make it unbelievable? If
I have a lot of kissing, foreplay and afterplay, will that make it
unbelievable?
I am just supposing, from what experience I've had and from my ripe
imagination, that in my couple, Starsky's entire body would be hairier than Hutch's.
That's pretty apparent just from what we've seen on the show - we've seen them
both in no more than a pair of shorts, and Starsky has lots of course curly
dark hair while Hutch has less hair, and it's more fine and downy.
Okay, I'm wondering about how hairy we should assume Starsky's bottom is.
Would rimming, which I'm sure Hutch would want to do, be a problem if Starsky's
bum were very hairy? Do men ever have that problem? If so, how do they deal
with it? While you can shave your garden variety pubic hair, I'm wondering if
there were hair between the cheeks, not all me would look with eager
anticipation on the prospect of having someone shave them there.
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Dear Arizona Alice,
While some people do connect sex and violence, most of
us do not. The fingernails digging into your back happens all the time
and so does biting, but I've never been rendered bloody by a lover (nor
vice versa), nor have I ever called a man "Bitch" except in play.
Kissing is good, foreplay is good, afterplay is infrequent (usually
we're too tired for much...) and romance is far from dead. Just a
note of caution: while gay men tend to more inclined to the smooshy
romantic than het guys, we are somewhat less than het women. Flowers
aren't common, nor stuffed animals, we're still pretty much "guys" when
it comes to talking about feelings and crying over slights.
While having more body hair does include the butt, the anus itself is
usually smooth, so getting your tongue, finger or other implement in
there isn't a problem. As for shaving, I don't actually know that many
guys who shave all over. If that's what you're into, usually there's
someone around who has the practice and/or desire to make a careful job
of it. We wax our chests and back (which can be quite unpleasant enough)
but for the tender bits like groin we usually just trim. A beard
trimmer doesn't just work for your upper cheeks.
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Marian asks:
Bath houses in the 1960's (in New York, if
that makes a difference) -- would public sex
be the norm or the exception? And if there's
anything you can (have the time/want to) tell
me about the atmosphere, setup of the building,
*shrug* cost of getting in??? I'd appreciate
it.
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Dear Marian,
I wasn't old enough to be going to the baths in the 60's but I'll pass
on some of what I've heard from my elders. Public sex was quite common,
there were orgy rooms, saunas, mazes, and communal showers to accommodate
all types. What really surprises me is that most, if not all, of the
gay baths in 60's NY were *not* gay owned or even operated. They were
Mob controlled, and the people who worked there tended to be straight
guys from Brooklyn. Go figure. Have you ever seen "The Ritz", with
Rita Moreno? It's a fair, if sanitized, representation of what a
up-scale bath was like, in fact the original play based it on the
Continental Baths, where Bette Midler got her start in show biz.
Pre-Stonewall there was always the threat of police entrapment or raids
or gay bashers waiting outside for a little fun. Post Stonewall things
got a little better, though not much. As the Mob moved out of the bar
and bath business once gay bars became legal, some baths got better.
Cleaner, more representative staffs, etc. While others got worse, less
investment in the physical plant, etc.
I think what most people, even many gay men today, don't realize is that
the baths weren't just places to have sex. There was entertainment, a
refreshment counter, places to sit and talk. Bette Midler got her start
in show biz singing at the Continental Baths. Of course there were also
the private rooms, public spaces and lots of naked men...
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Elia1349 asks:
What is the verdict on "dirty talk"? I mean, the kind of stuff you read in
those porn books that have so many typos that you have to wonder if only the
uneducated can work in the porn industry. While I know an occasional "Fuck
Me", etc., would be welcome, I tend to think that long recitations of "Suck on my
Mighty Python of Love" and such would be rather difficult once things get
going.
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Dear Eliz1349,
Some guys are artists of dirty talk, others (like me) barely have enough
brain cells left over to occasionally mumble "HARDER!"... I've been with
guys who practically composed Shakespearean sonnets while pounding me
through the mattress. Most guys just use the same few phrases, mostly
cribbed from porno movies. It's usually easier to talk when topping -
you've got a little more attention left over.
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Chris asks:
You know "Ben-Wa" balls for women? Is there an equivalent toy
for men. I've read about beads and we've played with plugs, but what about
balls?
I've got this all-consuming paranoia that my body's going to like allow them
to go where they shouldn't. Even if there is such a thing, would it really be
pleasant?...hmm, what else...Oh yeah, after spanking, what's the best kind of
lotion for the bottom? Should plain old ice be used, or a petrol based cream,
or oil, or what...
The last thing we need is an infection or to in some way make the pain "bad"
(like cracking skin) instead of good
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Dear Chris,
I've seen bead strings where the final bead isn't a bead but rather a
flat disc that's too big to enter, so you can't loose them. But
considering that you're just going for a constant stimulation of the
prostate, I don't think the bead would do any better than a plug.
For soothing troubled skin, I'd suggest a simple hand lotion, Jergens or
something like that. Though you might also try a peppermint scented one
- the sensation might be interesting . Speaking of ice, have you ever
tried adding a cube before the plug/dildo/dick? Try it some time,
you'll be surprised at the intensity...
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Ryoko asks:
Excuse me if this question had been asked, but I just wanted to
know that how long the orgasm lasts when the guys have anal intercourse ?
(Especially for bottom.)
In fanfiction, sometime the receivers orgasm is stronger and longer and
he is convulsed slightly for a while. But I often hear men's orgasm are much
shorter.
Is it really something possible? Or just another slash myth?
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Dear Ryoko,
I find that the orgasm itself while bottoming isn't any longer than when
on top or alone, but the lead-in is longer and more intense. The male
orgasm is pretty quick, 10 seconds or thereabouts, but when you're on the
bottom the build up is more gradual, more intense and takes you higher.
You hang on the edge for longer, and when the orgasm does finally hit,
it hits harder.
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Heather & Jen ask:
(but didn't include their return e-addy, so I
couldn't get hold of them....but it's a good question, so I'm answering
it and putting in on the site anyway. Heather & Jen, if you read this,
that's why I didn't ever respond.)
1) Let's say you have two men, one an older experienced gay man,
and the other a younger man who has supposedly never experienced anal
penetration, but is very experienced with women. So, logically, who would you say would
be the top the first time? If you say the older man is the top, how long
would you predict the younger man would continue to be the bottom (assuming he
wants to be the top), before he asserts himself, and becomes the top?
2) For a first time scene, what would you recommend we *avoid* in order to
not seem clinched? Also, do you have any suggestions for how to write in the
"lube scene" without making it seem forced?
3) One more question - Jen and I have been discussing this, and we both
think that it is unlikely that a couple's first time would involve anal
penetration...what is you opinion on this? What happens in real life (if that's not too
personal.)? Thanks for the rest of your replies, and the commentary...
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Dear Heather & Jen,
But Spock, logic and sex have nothing to do with one another, especially
in humans.
1) So much depends on the psyches of the two men involved. Does the older
man have a preference, or is he versatile? Perhaps the younger guy has
already discovered the joys of anal penetration with a girlfriend, from
either side. What's the dynamic between the two men? The older man may
decide to bottom at first so as to reassure the younger that it's not
going to hurt or make him any less of a man. Or he might be an
unrepentant alpha and fuck the younger one into oblivion from the get
go. Is the younger man adventurous, or staid?
The switching over part is pretty fluid as well. Again, what's the
dynamic between them? Are they open to change, or are they sticklers for
routine? Some couples get into ruts, and never really get out of them.
Others are more flexible, and who's on top becomes a question of mood
and inclination.
Preferences for position aren't set in stone, nor are they dependent on
age or relative status. There are guys who prefer catching to pitching
(or vise versa) to the point where they *won't* take the other position,
but they are in the minority. Most gay men are versatile, with leanings
in one direction or the other.
If we use Jim and Blair as an example, I'd think Jim would get Blair to
be the top. Then again, I think Jim's a charter member of the PBS
anyway. (PBS = Pushy Bottom Society. Our slogan is "Fuck me, fuck me
NOW, and fuck me HARD!" ) He'd eventually start topping Blair as
well, but probably at the Gup's insistence when he sees how much fun it
is.
On the other hand, if we're talking about Mulder and Skinner, Skinner
strikes me as pretty much the textbook example of an alpha male. He'd
teach Mulder all the joys of bottoming and Mulder would love it. They
might occasionally switch, but even then Skinner would be in complete
control.
2) Don't let them "gaze longingly into each other's eyes" , or otherwise
succumb to the perils of Harliquinitis. Stick to your interpretation of
their characters and you'll do fine. As for lube scene, if you want to
draw it out and make it detailed, go for it. But you don't have to.
See my comments at the beginning of the Anal Sex page.
3) Unless the parties involved are among that small percentage of gay men
who simply don't like anal sex, I'd say that the chances of it happening
during the first time are well over 90%. If we're still talking about
the hypothetical older&experienced/younger&novice pairing, then I'd
guess that drops to maybe 50%. Remember that for gay men anal sex isn't
weird or unnatural, as it may
still be considered between het couples. A het guy wouldn't ask a girl
to do it until he knows her attitudes toward sex pretty well, but a gay
guy will suggest it to another guy at the drop of a hat (or the pants).
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Rufus asks:
How comfortable would it be for the bottom to remain sitting on the
top's penis while facing him, after they've
both climaxed? Could the bottom continue to feel any pleasure -- would the
top's penis still be able to rub
against the bottom's prostate?
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Dear Rufus,
If the bottom is relaxed/experienced enough that he doesn't get
uncomfortable after orgasm, they could stay like this as long as they
like. Just having the dick in there isn't all that exciting after a
while, though. It's got to be moving around to really give a thrill.
But they could sit and talk, cuddle, or rest up for the second round
and start all over again...
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Princess Xavier asks:
I recently read this gay erotic book which contained a scene with
two guys doing one guy at the same time. Is this at all possible? It seemed
like quite a stretch to me.
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Dear Princess Xavier,
If you mean two guys fucking a third at the same time, yes it can be
done. Guy one lies on the floor/bed/whatever, guy two sits on his
dick and bends over, and guy three gets behind #2 and slips it in. Or
guys 1 & 3 lie down with their heads facing apart, with their legs
entwined so their dicks are pressed together, and guy 2 sits on them
both. It does tend to stretch a guy out...
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Rufusfirefly asks:
I know that multiple orgasms for men are possible, though rare.
Except, apparently, for my
close friend, Jack. You have to realize that everything I'm telling you
comes from Jack and it's not
that I don't trust him, but...
Jack's the bottom (in fact he's an exclusive bottom), and his favorite
position is sitting on his lover's
lap, where they both can control the stimulation of his prostate. His 2nd
favorite position is on his knees, chest
and head to the bed, legs spread, ass high in the air. This is the other
position in which he achieves multiple
orgasms. He told me he can have up to five, and many of the times he comes
without direct stimulation to his
own penis.
I hang with a mostly gay crowd (more lesbians than guys) but I did ask a
few of the men and they told me
that Jack's full of shit. Are they just jealous. Can Jack's prostrate be
more sensitive than most and that's why
he can come without direct penile stimulation? I have a tendency to believe
Jack... have you run across guys like
him before? How common would it be?
Second question: what do you think of lesbians who write M/M slash? I
know there are a bunch of us out
there and truthfully -- I don't know why I write it. Since you, as a gay
man, are in a minority for reading and
writing slash, maybe you have a different perspective than I.
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Dear Rufusfirefly,
Believe Jack. Your other friends just haven't found the right top
yet...
Multiple maybe 50/50. My first experiences of anal sex
happened in first encounters with the guys involved, though my first ever
encounter with a guy didn't include it. I've also been guys first ever,
and immediately introduced them to the joys their butts can bring them.
Rememmale orgasm via anal stimulation is certainly possible. I've
experienced it often (though not often enough). Not all guys have.
Some guys don't believe they exist, just like women didn't know about
their own orgasms at one point.
And yes, they are rare. I've found that the more exclusively a bottom
a guy is, the more likely he is to have experienced them. Or maybe
it's the other way around, the guys who have had them, like them so
much they tend to be mostly bottoms. In fact, Turkish men
believe that a guy should never let himself get
fucked because once he does he'll like it so much he'll never go back
to women.
I've got a couple of good lesbian friends, and when I first found out
that they enjoyed watching queer-guy porn I was totally dumfounded.
I mean, what's the point? Lesbians are women who like women, I
thought, so what in the world would they see in guys-fucking-guys?
I'm still not sure I completely understand it (nothing in the world
would be less arousing to me than girl/girl porn, nothing personal -
just biology), but they seem to like it. So I wasn't actually all
that surprised to find lesbians writing slash.
I'm way tolerant. I figure if it gets your motor running, go for it.
I sure wouldn't want other people passing judgment on some of the
things that turn me on, so I'm not about to start throwing any
stones...
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Skazitelnitsky asks:
What normally happens after anal sex? I assumed that men just went
to sleep as they typically do after heterosexual intercourse, but in
something I read, there was a certain amount of routine discomfort for the bottom
partner -- cramping, feeling like they had to go to the bathroom -- Is this
typical or just cheap porn melodrama?
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Dear Skazitelnitsky,
Well, first he pulls out his wallet...
Seriously, I wouldn't say it was typical, but if the top has been any good there
will a certain amount of minor discomfort afterward. Tenderness, a
lingering soreness, leg cramps if you're not used to the missionary
position (I get leg cramps real easy...), maybe needing to take a leak.
I've never experienced intestinal cramping or major pain afterwards.
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Kim M asks:
What happens when you see a cute guy, get a hard-on, and don't do anything
about it? Does it just ...vanish? Secondly, is there a period of time when you
should release your sperm, like jerking off, or can you do without "it" for a
while?
Does that sound dumb? Sorry.
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Dear Kim M,
Nope, doesn't sound dumb at all. The myth of "blue balls" is just
that, a myth.
An unused erection can be mildly uncomfortable, if you're wearing your
pants a little tight, but otherwise there are *NO* adverse effects. If
you don't do anything with it, it eventually goes away. Anyone who tells you
differently is just trying to get into your pants.
As for the sperm thing, it depends somewhat on the man in question.
Some guys have higher sex drives than others. If you go a while without
jerking off or having sex, you could have wet dreams, though it has to
be *quite* a while, weeks or months depending on the guy (and age, the
younger you are the more urgent the need).
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Savannah asks:
One of the lists I am on has been having a
discussion on tongue piercings and their effects on oral sex. Does it feel good/bad
or indifferent? Any pro's or con's to them?
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Dear Savannah,
Personally I love them. I have one, and boys are always coming up the
me and requesting kisses (or more....) because they've never tried one
before. When you first have it done you have to learn to eat and talk
again, and your tongue swells up like a stuck pig. But once you've
healed (2-6 weeks), there shouldn't be any problems. Getting oral sex
from a guy who has one is great, there's that extra stimulation from
the metal bar. I don't know how it would affect oral sex for women,
but I'd guess it would also add some extra spice.
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MJ asks:
It's hard to tell from slash how much is fact and how much is fiction.
How about some fundamentals?
First set of questions have to do with what it's actually like inside
the anal passage and rectum? How dry or moist is it really up there?
Actual temperature (a lot of the fiction says 'hot' but isn't it the
same as normal body temp. 98.6 degrees)? How sensitive are these areas
(e.g. could a guy forget he had a small object up there or are we
talking the princess and the pea here) and how delicate are the tissues
(issues like injury and infection never arise)? A lot of the fiction
also describes the anus/rectum as being tight, but over time, like a
rubber band after constant stretching (i.e.wear and tear), do the
sphincter/muscles and rectum get stretched to the point where they stay
permanently loose (relatively speaking)?
2) Is there some sort of postcoital routine? For example some women
douche after intercourse. Of course I can understand this might not be
the most romantic thing in the world and would tend to be omitted by
slash writers. Or maybe it's considered an insult to the partner to
roll out of bed and tend to business (so to speak).
3) What's with slapping a guy's ass while he's being fucked? Is this for
the benefit of the guy being fucked or the guy doing the fucking or
do they both get something out of it?
And 4) rimming. Assuming the guy being rimmed has practiced some
sort of hygiene beforehand, what does it actually taste like? Does the
taste (like the taste of cum) depend upon the guy? I don't recall this
really being described much in slash (or maybe I'm not reading the
right stories).
Sorry for all the questions. I'm trying to strike that right balance
between verisimilitude and steamy.
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Dear MJ,
1) Tight, moist and hot: Yes. The temp. is 98.6, but it feels hotter,
mostly I think because the lube is usually room temp. to start out.
The moistness is less than a mouth, but more than skin. Think damp
silk.. Tightness
depends on experience.. it's never all that loose, because the muscles
are continually exercised by their normal function, but with
experience comes the ability to relax and contract them at will. All
of these things are the same for men and women, if you really want to
know what it feels like, you can experiment on yourself (or any
willing partner you can find ).
The tissues are more delicate than outside skin, but not as easily
damaged as nasal tissue. I'd say similar to the inside of the mouth.
But there aren't any nerves on the interior walls of the rectum or
anal canal, so it's not easy to tell when there has been damage.
Minor tearing of the outermost sphincter ring often occurs, but it's
usually so minor that the bottom doesn't even know it's happened till
afterwards. It also heals very quickly, as do all mucus membranes.
And yes, it is possible to loose something up there.. I'd think that
you would tend to remember everything you stuck up your butt, but then
I have a pretty good short term memory. However it is certainly possible
to temporarily loose contact/control of an object.
2) No insult. Cleaning up after is usually needed, at least to wipe up
the extra lube (unless you get off on sleeping in the wet spot
[blech]), but that's usually just a matter for a damp washcloth or
some paper towels. In cases where he's been *way* overly generous with the
lube a shower is occasionally called for. Douching after is
uncommon, but not totally
unheard of. Though in case of condom failure it is *not* recommended.
3) For either or both, depending on who's into it. I don't particularly
care for it, but if he does, I'll slap (or allow him to slap). I
think it's done so much in porn films as an added visual stimulus for
the viewer. Not all guys are into it, but it can add a little extra
zing if timed correctly.
And 4) Depends on the biochemistry of the guy. Usually it tastes similar to
their skin, only more so. Some guys are bitter, others sweet. I've
read a lot of it in Sentinel and X-Files slash, but it doesn't seem to
be quite so popular in other fandoms. Maybe the Senners and XF crowd
are just into it more.
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Maraid asks:
Meat or Motion, on that side of the fence?...
Personally, I'm a size queen. And I know *why* I'm a size queen- I like that
sort of pain. In your experience, is this the same dynamic for gay men, i.e.
a larger penis creates a more overwhelming experience for the bottom during
intercourse, or are there other factors to be considered? I guess I'd like to
know what part of it is physically motivated, and if there are other motivating
factors that me and any other Size-Queen Susies might not be aware of.
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Dear Maraid,
There's certainly a physical component to the "Size-Queen" thing, lots
of guys think "the more the merrier".. But I do believe that there's
also a psychological thing going on as well. A large part of a man's
ego is tied up in his dick, including its size. Simplistically put:
The bigger the equipment, the more of a man he is. So guys who are
size queens are also seeking out the *most* male men.
I think it parallels very closely the issue of breast size in women,
and why certain people are extremely attracted to the larger ones. I
think.
Personally, I'm not a size queen, though I can be impressed .
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a s k u n c l e m i n o t a u r
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