Dear Arizona Alice,

While some people do connect sex and violence, most of us do not. The fingernails digging into your back happens all the time and so does biting, but I've never been rendered bloody by a lover (nor vice versa), nor have I ever called a man "Bitch" except in play. Kissing is good, foreplay is good, afterplay is infrequent (usually we're too tired for much...) and romance is far from dead. Just a note of caution: while gay men tend to more inclined to the smooshy romantic than het guys, we are somewhat less than het women. Flowers aren't common, nor stuffed animals, we're still pretty much "guys" when it comes to talking about feelings and crying over slights.

While having more body hair does include the butt, the anus itself is usually smooth, so getting your tongue, finger or other implement in there isn't a problem. As for shaving, I don't actually know that many guys who shave all over. If that's what you're into, usually there's someone around who has the practice and/or desire to make a careful job of it. We wax our chests and back (which can be quite unpleasant enough) but for the tender bits like groin we usually just trim. A beard trimmer doesn't just work for your upper cheeks.

Dear Marian,

I wasn't old enough to be going to the baths in the 60's but I'll pass on some of what I've heard from my elders. Public sex was quite common, there were orgy rooms, saunas, mazes, and communal showers to accommodate all types. What really surprises me is that most, if not all, of the gay baths in 60's NY were *not* gay owned or even operated. They were Mob controlled, and the people who worked there tended to be straight guys from Brooklyn. Go figure. Have you ever seen "The Ritz", with Rita Moreno? It's a fair, if sanitized, representation of what a up-scale bath was like, in fact the original play based it on the Continental Baths, where Bette Midler got her start in show biz. Pre-Stonewall there was always the threat of police entrapment or raids or gay bashers waiting outside for a little fun. Post Stonewall things got a little better, though not much. As the Mob moved out of the bar and bath business once gay bars became legal, some baths got better. Cleaner, more representative staffs, etc. While others got worse, less investment in the physical plant, etc.

I think what most people, even many gay men today, don't realize is that the baths weren't just places to have sex. There was entertainment, a refreshment counter, places to sit and talk. Bette Midler got her start in show biz singing at the Continental Baths. Of course there were also the private rooms, public spaces and lots of naked men...

Dear Eliz1349,

Some guys are artists of dirty talk, others (like me) barely have enough brain cells left over to occasionally mumble "HARDER!"... I've been with guys who practically composed Shakespearean sonnets while pounding me through the mattress. Most guys just use the same few phrases, mostly cribbed from porno movies. It's usually easier to talk when topping - you've got a little more attention left over.

Dear Chris,

I've seen bead strings where the final bead isn't a bead but rather a flat disc that's too big to enter, so you can't loose them. But considering that you're just going for a constant stimulation of the prostate, I don't think the bead would do any better than a plug.

For soothing troubled skin, I'd suggest a simple hand lotion, Jergens or something like that. Though you might also try a peppermint scented one - the sensation might be interesting . Speaking of ice, have you ever tried adding a cube before the plug/dildo/dick? Try it some time, you'll be surprised at the intensity...

Dear Ryoko,

I find that the orgasm itself while bottoming isn't any longer than when on top or alone, but the lead-in is longer and more intense. The male orgasm is pretty quick, 10 seconds or thereabouts, but when you're on the bottom the build up is more gradual, more intense and takes you higher. You hang on the edge for longer, and when the orgasm does finally hit, it hits harder.

Dear Heather & Jen,

But Spock, logic and sex have nothing to do with one another, especially in humans.

1) So much depends on the psyches of the two men involved. Does the older man have a preference, or is he versatile? Perhaps the younger guy has already discovered the joys of anal penetration with a girlfriend, from either side. What's the dynamic between the two men? The older man may decide to bottom at first so as to reassure the younger that it's not going to hurt or make him any less of a man. Or he might be an unrepentant alpha and fuck the younger one into oblivion from the get go. Is the younger man adventurous, or staid?

The switching over part is pretty fluid as well. Again, what's the dynamic between them? Are they open to change, or are they sticklers for routine? Some couples get into ruts, and never really get out of them. Others are more flexible, and who's on top becomes a question of mood and inclination.

Preferences for position aren't set in stone, nor are they dependent on age or relative status. There are guys who prefer catching to pitching (or vise versa) to the point where they *won't* take the other position, but they are in the minority. Most gay men are versatile, with leanings in one direction or the other.

If we use Jim and Blair as an example, I'd think Jim would get Blair to be the top. Then again, I think Jim's a charter member of the PBS anyway. (PBS = Pushy Bottom Society. Our slogan is "Fuck me, fuck me NOW, and fuck me HARD!" ) He'd eventually start topping Blair as well, but probably at the Gup's insistence when he sees how much fun it is.

On the other hand, if we're talking about Mulder and Skinner, Skinner strikes me as pretty much the textbook example of an alpha male. He'd teach Mulder all the joys of bottoming and Mulder would love it. They might occasionally switch, but even then Skinner would be in complete control.

2) Don't let them "gaze longingly into each other's eyes" , or otherwise succumb to the perils of Harliquinitis. Stick to your interpretation of their characters and you'll do fine. As for lube scene, if you want to draw it out and make it detailed, go for it. But you don't have to. See my comments at the beginning of the Anal Sex page.

3) Unless the parties involved are among that small percentage of gay men who simply don't like anal sex, I'd say that the chances of it happening during the first time are well over 90%. If we're still talking about the hypothetical older&experienced/younger&novice pairing, then I'd guess that drops to maybe 50%. Remember that for gay men anal sex isn't weird or unnatural, as it may still be considered between het couples. A het guy wouldn't ask a girl to do it until he knows her attitudes toward sex pretty well, but a gay guy will suggest it to another guy at the drop of a hat (or the pants).

Dear Rufus,

If the bottom is relaxed/experienced enough that he doesn't get uncomfortable after orgasm, they could stay like this as long as they like. Just having the dick in there isn't all that exciting after a while, though. It's got to be moving around to really give a thrill. But they could sit and talk, cuddle, or rest up for the second round and start all over again...

Dear Princess Xavier,

If you mean two guys fucking a third at the same time, yes it can be done. Guy one lies on the floor/bed/whatever, guy two sits on his dick and bends over, and guy three gets behind #2 and slips it in. Or guys 1 & 3 lie down with their heads facing apart, with their legs entwined so their dicks are pressed together, and guy 2 sits on them both. It does tend to stretch a guy out...

Dear Rufusfirefly,

Believe Jack. Your other friends just haven't found the right top yet...

Multiple maybe 50/50. My first experiences of anal sex happened in first encounters with the guys involved, though my first ever encounter with a guy didn't include it. I've also been guys first ever, and immediately introduced them to the joys their butts can bring them.

Rememmale orgasm via anal stimulation is certainly possible. I've experienced it often (though not often enough). Not all guys have. Some guys don't believe they exist, just like women didn't know about their own orgasms at one point.

And yes, they are rare. I've found that the more exclusively a bottom a guy is, the more likely he is to have experienced them. Or maybe it's the other way around, the guys who have had them, like them so much they tend to be mostly bottoms. In fact, Turkish men believe that a guy should never let himself get fucked because once he does he'll like it so much he'll never go back to women.

I've got a couple of good lesbian friends, and when I first found out that they enjoyed watching queer-guy porn I was totally dumfounded. I mean, what's the point? Lesbians are women who like women, I thought, so what in the world would they see in guys-fucking-guys? I'm still not sure I completely understand it (nothing in the world would be less arousing to me than girl/girl porn, nothing personal - just biology), but they seem to like it. So I wasn't actually all that surprised to find lesbians writing slash.

I'm way tolerant. I figure if it gets your motor running, go for it. I sure wouldn't want other people passing judgment on some of the things that turn me on, so I'm not about to start throwing any stones...

Dear Skazitelnitsky,

Well, first he pulls out his wallet...

Seriously, I wouldn't say it was typical, but if the top has been any good there will a certain amount of minor discomfort afterward. Tenderness, a lingering soreness, leg cramps if you're not used to the missionary position (I get leg cramps real easy...), maybe needing to take a leak. I've never experienced intestinal cramping or major pain afterwards.

Dear Kim M,

Nope, doesn't sound dumb at all. The myth of "blue balls" is just that, a myth.

An unused erection can be mildly uncomfortable, if you're wearing your pants a little tight, but otherwise there are *NO* adverse effects. If you don't do anything with it, it eventually goes away. Anyone who tells you differently is just trying to get into your pants.

As for the sperm thing, it depends somewhat on the man in question. Some guys have higher sex drives than others. If you go a while without jerking off or having sex, you could have wet dreams, though it has to be *quite* a while, weeks or months depending on the guy (and age, the younger you are the more urgent the need).

Dear Savannah,

Personally I love them. I have one, and boys are always coming up the me and requesting kisses (or more....) because they've never tried one before. When you first have it done you have to learn to eat and talk again, and your tongue swells up like a stuck pig. But once you've healed (2-6 weeks), there shouldn't be any problems. Getting oral sex from a guy who has one is great, there's that extra stimulation from the metal bar. I don't know how it would affect oral sex for women, but I'd guess it would also add some extra spice.

Dear MJ,

1) Tight, moist and hot: Yes. The temp. is 98.6, but it feels hotter, mostly I think because the lube is usually room temp. to start out. The moistness is less than a mouth, but more than skin. Think damp silk.. Tightness depends on experience.. it's never all that loose, because the muscles are continually exercised by their normal function, but with experience comes the ability to relax and contract them at will. All of these things are the same for men and women, if you really want to know what it feels like, you can experiment on yourself (or any willing partner you can find ).

The tissues are more delicate than outside skin, but not as easily damaged as nasal tissue. I'd say similar to the inside of the mouth. But there aren't any nerves on the interior walls of the rectum or anal canal, so it's not easy to tell when there has been damage. Minor tearing of the outermost sphincter ring often occurs, but it's usually so minor that the bottom doesn't even know it's happened till afterwards. It also heals very quickly, as do all mucus membranes.

And yes, it is possible to loose something up there.. I'd think that you would tend to remember everything you stuck up your butt, but then I have a pretty good short term memory. However it is certainly possible to temporarily loose contact/control of an object.

2) No insult. Cleaning up after is usually needed, at least to wipe up the extra lube (unless you get off on sleeping in the wet spot [blech]), but that's usually just a matter for a damp washcloth or some paper towels. In cases where he's been *way* overly generous with the lube a shower is occasionally called for. Douching after is uncommon, but not totally unheard of. Though in case of condom failure it is *not* recommended.

3) For either or both, depending on who's into it. I don't particularly care for it, but if he does, I'll slap (or allow him to slap). I think it's done so much in porn films as an added visual stimulus for the viewer. Not all guys are into it, but it can add a little extra zing if timed correctly.

And 4) Depends on the biochemistry of the guy. Usually it tastes similar to their skin, only more so. Some guys are bitter, others sweet. I've read a lot of it in Sentinel and X-Files slash, but it doesn't seem to be quite so popular in other fandoms. Maybe the Senners and XF crowd are just into it more.

Dear Maraid,

There's certainly a physical component to the "Size-Queen" thing, lots of guys think "the more the merrier".. But I do believe that there's also a psychological thing going on as well. A large part of a man's ego is tied up in his dick, including its size. Simplistically put: The bigger the equipment, the more of a man he is. So guys who are size queens are also seeking out the *most* male men.

I think it parallels very closely the issue of breast size in women, and why certain people are extremely attracted to the larger ones. I think.

Personally, I'm not a size queen, though I can be impressed .